(or as my family calls it, my “Di-gress,” as in Dianne’s Di-lemmas)
I learned at a national conference, oh-so-long-ago in 2014…. that Nano second, was, even then, considered SLOW at a billionth of a second, and, even then, being replaced by Phento which is a millionth of a billionth second. By now there must be yet another term to explain why it has been 4+ years since I posted my last desirous attempt of a conversation with you.
More accurately with the clarity of hindsight, we lost our conversation 7 or so years ago when I hit the ground running through banners of mid life shock waves combined with the new Phento world order. No wonder I’m scratching my head with weaker knees, breathless to explain how I lost so many years that quickly. It did take the wind out of me. Creatively at least. Yet, only slightly dispirited, I desire to pick up where I left off, with you, my creative audience and soul mates….or SEW-L mates. I have missed you. And how could you know that.
I am discovering that I am more private than I thought. Although, I have no problem sharing my inner most creative thoughts and inspirations with my several thousand D’Leas and TACtile followers at past locations or in newsletters, finding you again on social media roadways has been a head trip. Writing to the giant world is quite another thing that I have found intimidating and a tad invasive.
Like all artists, I have felt the angst of questioning the worth of what I have to say….Big Time. Age does play a card here. My life has been a fascinating exploration of contemporary fashion, art and self actualization via fiber arts and color. Are my thoughts old fashioned now or are they wisdom? Am I age unique or female same? Generation unique or global woman same? Tactile expressive unique or human same? Passion saavy for sure. No doubts there. Dare I speak my perspective using social media to anyone when they have such a huge bombardment of explosive, exponential, mind blowing information…. with only so much band width? I think not. *
And yet, the voices in my head need out.
More digression, more overwhelm
I don’t want to put myself on anyone! Phento ridiculousness! Everyone writing blogs and sending posts and pictures and gaming for the most clicks and likes and approvals. How dare I add to the overwhelm! Shy is not a typical description of me. How surprising it is to feel so desperately introverted in this now world. Tuck in, go away, stop.
And yet, the voices in my head need out.
On top of shy, there is my rebellion…..responsible for my decades of making my own clothes and not looking like anybody else. I am DIFFERENT. I don’t want my thoughts to get lost in the mainstream flood…I’m not mainstream, thank you.
And yet, I crave to share my oh-so-many thoughts.
Sharing my ideas is part of my joy, my self expression, my art. It was why D’Leas, the store, was so energized those 2 decades. We were all sharing our creative ideas around a common interest of texture, color, design and fabrics. My Creativity Out met your Creativity Back-at-me. Instead of banner barriers to break through, we were waving and swirling the banners with each other. It was thrilling. Past store owners know deeply the pain of a canvas removed. We could feel viscerally the joy of our customers receiving our messages and stories via our displays and products.
>As I write this, a tiny little bird is out my window going to town with the loudest, most melodic, many verses twirl of a song, shouting it to the world to hear. I doubt it can keep it inside.
The truth is I never stopped writing my little essays, I simply stopped myself from posting them. I didn’t want to get lost in the crowd. But instead, I LOST OUT…because I wasn’t heard.
Bring it on. It’s Leap Day 2020. Why not do something else that hasn’t happened for 4 years and post my story. I’m breaking through another self inflicted banner barrier. As journeys do, mine is teaching me to keep singing my song….waving the silk banners and ribbons as I go.
Being a tactile learner, this lesson has been a dismally slow grab for me…. a “before Nano” slow for me. So, yes, I am still different…. than the whole wide world seems to be.
>There goes that bird again, what a song. Thanks for listening to mine.
Our art must come out. It must be shared. Maybe you can relate.
*(Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic has a great discussion about the naysayer condition!)